Jared: This is Peter’s fault. You don’t know Peter, but it’s his fault.
I wish they hadn’t done what they did to Swatello, but despite that…
I’m totally seeing Jared and Ellen at a parent teacher conference for their kid who’s done something terrible and Jared’s blaming the whole thing on co-parent Peter. And Ellen thought that they could get through this situation without bringing up her bf’s bf, but no. She just looks like ‘oh good, let’s bring Peter into this convo, that’s what needed to happen, I’m gonna love explaining that to this fancy school.’
LSKDhfoiwjefsdfsd. This is the best au of this scene ever. lakshdfow. OH. Their threesome life makes SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL SENSE and she has all the perfect facial expressions for it. And you’ve already pointed out that she’d end up taking Peter with her to things instead, which is just achingly true. Because Jared would just always be too embarrassing and get into trouble, and her and Peter would look so much more suitable as parents you want for your school or want to give a mortgage to, or whatever they needed. And Jared would kiss them both as they left to go be grown ups while he was in his onesie playing pirates with their child.
Her and Peter would look amazing together. So put together.
And, omg, yes, Jared being amazing at being the fun dad. (Peter’s probably really amazing at that too, but he can also be respectable. And Ellen’s always respectable, but at some times they can get her to play around for a few mins before she catches herself)
Their threesome life is amazing. And they probably didn’t even discuss it with Ellen. It was just a given. Like, whoops, accidental pregnancy (which Jared totally thought would happen to Peter instead) and Jared’s freaking out because maybe Peter’s going to feel like leaving and Peter’s freaking out because it means that Jared’s going to leave, but Jared never has any intention of leaving just moving Ellen into the house with him and Peter and they both just kind of go with that.
I like to think that Ellen keeps trying to bring him along to things, but, like, she can’t even take him to a doctor’s appointment with her without him playing with the plastic fetuses. (and Jared doesn’t get it that Ellen wants to be proper and adult-y and everything so he acts this way all the time because that’s the way you act with Swatello because she’s Swatello) And then Jared makes her take both him and Peter to Lamaze classes and Peter feels awkward but Jared’s just like ‘dude, what if I’m not around when this happens? you have to take the wheel. besides, the baby’s like half yours anyway.’ and Peter’s like ‘uh, that’s not how babies work.’ and Jared makes that face when he thinking Peter’s wrong about something and he’s correcting him but his corrections are ridiculous and says ‘that’s how our baby works.’ and Ellen’s just standing there, totally ignored, like ‘oh god why’ and thinking about how she should really just go and be a single mother. And then, of course, when they get to the classes everyone loves them and thinks they’re amazing because suddenly the classes are super fun and are full of (non-alcoholic) drinking games and stuff.
Yes yes yes yes. I love everything you ever say. And as well as being ENTIRELY PERFECT - the la maze classes would be so epic, seriously - this is a show that couldn’t even start to fail to let MPG hold a baby. Which is all I really want from television and which every show ever has failed at so far. And he would hold it in the delivery room, and it would be Jared’s and he would love it more than anything WITH HIS FACE AND HIS EYES, and Jared would smile at him while he did it and Ellen would be all reluctantly happy with her life choices, while still struggling to know how she was going to explain this to her mother, or god forbid introduce them to her, or to her friends, or to anyone ever.
And maybe possibly just if they were feeling brave, they could actually use the word bisexual to describe both Peter and Jared, and aromantic to describe Ellen, and the world would be colourful and beautiful and made of pancakes.